Life After Love
by LizzySwan1022
Summary: Edward left Bella, and she didn't move on. She was never healed by Jacob, and she left Forks for the east coast. This is her life when the Cullens stumble back into it.
1. Chapter 1

Throughout my short life I've wondered about how wise it really is to dwell on the past instead of the future. There are a wealth of clichés that deal with this particularly pesky problem, but they seem to be in competition with each other. When I was younger I never cared about the past at all, I was too busy worrying for the future, but now my life had flipped, I very rarely thought on the future, and I spent entirely too much time dwelling on my past.

After I'd come out of my comatose state, I'd spent all my energy trying to hide the past from myself, but that was unhealthy and at night my subconscious tried to deal with my pain through horrible nightmares. Once I'd gotten used to the fact that this was the type if hurt that just wouldn't go unconfronted I tried to deal with it, but instead I was sucked into happier memories that made me relive the pain when I woke up from them and realized once again that I was truly alone. I'd finally found an unsteady balance between the past and the present, although balance may not be the right word. It felt more like a shaky truce.

My family and friends had never truly gotten it. They thought I was being dramatic or screaming out for attention. Charlie was the closest thing to a confident I had, and the only thing we ever talked about was what he wanted me to make him for dinner. I realized I was hurting him about eight months after _he_ left me, so I tried to find an outlet for my pain. I'd tried to go into therapy, but found I had to edit too much information about my relationship. After all who would ever believe that I'd fallen in love with an immortal man who had been the perfect match for me until he left? No one who I could trust enough to know what they were talking about when it came to dealing with my psychological issues on a professional level.

So after therapy failed, I realized that the only thing I could do to help myself was to put on a happy face and get on with life. I'd graduated high school, gone to college, graduated a year early with a B.A. in English, which may be the most useless degree around, but English was something I was good at, and despite the pain I felt when reading Romeo and Juliet for the millionth time I forced myself through. After college I finally made the decision that it was time to leave Forks. I could see the effect my overall pain was having on Charlie and I knew I'd already asked too much of him by way of emotional support so I moved across the country to Upstate New York.

I lived in a small town a couple hours away from the city and I went down every so often just to remind myself how nice it was to get lost in a crowd. Of course now I kept my visits to purely touristy areas during the daylight. After all there was no one around to save me if I needed it anymore. My house was small but functional and cheap. I rented from an older lady who said I reminded her of her granddaughter, and invited me over for dinner a couple of times a month. I always went, she was just lonely and it was the least I could do considering how outrageously low my rent was. Aside from Mrs. Sherman, I'd made very few friends in my new town, which wasn't completely surprising given the fact that I'd only lived there a for the summer so far, and I'd never needed or wanted too many friends. I mostly kept to myself, but the few times I needed to hang out with someone I'd go to the movies or for coffee with one of the girls I worked with, usually Maggie or Lynn. Maggie was a tall redhead who was possibly even quieter than me, and Lynn was a shorter blonde who liked very strange pizza combinations.

I'd found work surprisingly quickly in New York in two places. A small local bookstore where I could put my degree to some use helping people find the perfect read and at an upscale restaurant where I was a bar tender a few nights a week. It was the perfect arrangement really, the bookstore was a Mom and Pop place that was only open until five, and the restaurant was opened at six and was open until ten or eleven. Most people would say that I push myself too hard, but I need to be kept busy and to be thoroughly exhausted by the time I have to go to bed in order to keep the nightmares away. I made more than enough money to survive on and I had very few expenses outside of food rent and utilities. I knew my life couldn't go on this way forever, but for the time being it suited me fine and really, what else could I do? There was very little chance of me getting married because I would never ask someone to be content as second best in my heart, and I knew that _he _would always be first with me. I was almost twenty-two years old and I had no real direction in my life, maybe with the cash I accumulated I could go back to school for my masters eventually, but I had no burning desire to do so now.

No, I wasn't happy or even content with my life, but I found it livable and for now that was really all I could ask for.

"Hey Maggie, do you know if the new Cooper mystery is in yet?" I was attempting to help a customer in his mid-thirties who'd been back every day for a week looking for this book.

"Sorry Bella, it's not here yet." I delivered the news to the unhappy customer who gave me a nod and walked out of the store muttering about the inconveniences of a small town. I resisted the urge to tell him that in the amount of time he spent coming back here every day he could have driven to the bigger town twenty minutes away to try his luck with the chain store there.

I went back to paging through the newspaper when I felt a person come up in front of me and I was surprised to see that it was Maggie instead of a customer. She waited patiently for me to acknowledge her presence. "Was there something you needed help with Maggie?"

"No, not really, I was just wondering what your plans were for tonight?"

"I'm working at the restaurant, why?"

"Um, because today is kind of special, I wouldn't think you'd be going into work today, I was actually surprised to see you here this morning."

Her comment caught me off guard and I thought back trying to figure out what was so special about today. It was a Wednesday, not that there was anything special about that. It wasn't any sort of holiday religious or otherwise, there was nothing sticking out to me as to what could be so special about today.

Maggie must have seen the look on my face because she said, "Bella do you even know what date it is? It's the 13th… your birthday."

I was momentarily shocked by the news. In recent years my mother and father had finally picked up on the fact that any mention of my birthday made me visibly uncomfortable, so it seemed that they both had refrained from sending any sort of gift or card this year. Maggie seemed to think that her revelation needed some sort of response so I answered her, "How did you know about that?"

"It was in your personnel file, I was doing some office clean up last week and I noticed it was coming up."

I took a deep breath, "Maggie, I have some very unpleasant memories surrounding my birthday, and I prefer to treat it like any other day. I probably wouldn't have even noticed if you hadn't brought it up."

"Oh, well then I'm sorry, I hope I didn't upset you." The look on her face let me know that she really had no idea that it would be a problem for me.

"It's alright Mag, there was no way you could have known." With that I went back to my newspaper and Maggie went back to restocking shelves leaving me to contemplate the date. I couldn't say that I was overly surprised at the fact that it was my birthday now that I thought about it. I mean, I knew that it was September and that the date had to come up eventually. It just seemed like the day should be permanently erased from the calendar that was all. I knew that now I was aware of the date that tomorrow would be even worse.

The rest of the day at the bookstore passed with little event, and I was finally off to my second job. It was a tradition for the staff to eat dinner together before service started. It was a way to promote teamwork among the staff as well as cut down on dinner breaks taken in the back at inconvenient times. I walked in the doors and sat next to Lynn who worked the bar along with me.

"Hey," she said with a huge smile on her face.

"Hey yourself, what's got you in such a good mood?"

"Oh, nothing, Chris is just trying out something new for us tonight, I'm excited that's all." Her response struck me as odd for two reasons. One, Lynn was perhaps the pickiest eater I'd ever seen. She usually brought a sandwich to dinner just in case she didn't like what was cooking. And two, Lynn hated Chris with a firey passion and could rarely be persuaded to try his dishes.

As it turned out the food Chris made was spectacular as always and Lynn actually enjoyed it. But disaster struck after dinner, when Sue the owner came out of the kitchen with a giant cake topped with candles and the entire room started singing happy birthday.

I was almost in tears by the time they were done.

"Oh Bella! Don't be upset, you're only 22! That's not so old!" Lynn said, "I mean really, I'd kill to be in my 20s again."

I laughed and was thankfully able to pull off my tears as tears of happiness at how thoughtful they all were. I'd gotten better at lying as time went on.

Soon, although much later than I would have liked, we all had to go to our posts as the restaurant opened up for the night. The bar was bizzarely busy for a Wednesday and Lynn and I had very little time to talk while preparing drinks, which I was grateful for. At around ten Sue came over and insisted I take a break despite the large crowd now around the bar. I spent the fifteen minutes pacing in the small staff are until I could go back.

When the clock finally hit quarter after I rushed back into the fray and stopped by the first group standing by the bar, "What can I get you?" I asked without looking at who was standing there.

"I'll have a Jack Daniels on the rocks. What about you and your wife Doctor?"

"I'll have a scotch and soda, and she'll have a glass of white wine please." The voice that answered was smoother than velvet. I knew that voice. My hands stopped their somewhat frantic, yet automatic motion as my head shot up and I locked eyes with none other than Carlisle Cullen.

"Carlisle," the word escaped my lips as a whisper.

"Bella" his voice was equally surprised, and we both just stayed there for a moment staring at each other, until the man who was with Carlisle cleared his throat bringing me back to reality.

"Sorry," I mumbled and I went back to fixing the drinks, the whole time I could feel Carlisle's eyes on me. I handed off the drinks, and was about to made my way towards another customer. My mind was spinning and I considered myself lucky that I only had half an hour left until we closed down.

When the night was finally over I went into the staffroom to grab my coat when Jenny, one of the waitresses, came up to me.

"Here," she said handing me an envelope, "Some guy said to give this to you, something about you making a mean drink." She shrugged and walked away.

Confused I opened the envelope. Inside was two hundred dollar bills and a note written on a pad from a prescription sleep medicine company. The note said simply 'Happy Birthday Bella.'

It was all I could do to make myself wait to get home before I started crying.


	2. Chapter 2

When I woke up the next morning I thought that last night was a dream, maybe there was something wrong with the dinner I ate, maybe Chris had tried some new spice that I was actually allergic to. But to my distress after getting out of bed I saw the envelope on my dresser with the rest of my tips from that night.

Over my usual breakfast of cereal and coffee I considered what this would mean for me. On the one hand it could have just been a fluke, despite the relatively small town the restaurant was in it was one of the better places within a thirty mile radius and we often had people come in from out of town. And really, what were the odds that I would see the Cullens come into the place again? They didn't eat so lying to people to get out of going for dinner should be old hat by now.

Having convinced myself that there would be no further contact with the family I once considered my own I finished getting ready and made my way to the bookstore. It was my day to open the store and I was looking forward to the half hour alone, not that Maggie was really a huge distraction from my own thoughts.

I entered the store and started turning lights on and opening windows. The entire process of getting the store ready for business took five minutes, and I was left to think some more. For the first time since they left I allowed myself to imagine what the Cullens had been doing since they left.

I imagined Carlisle had continued to work as a doctor and Esme had continued to play homemaker, maybe she'd done some decorating. The so called Cullen children had probably either gone back to high school or on to college for another round of Ivy League degrees. Of course the fact that they were here lead me to believe that they had gone back to high school, maybe as older children, or maybe they had been living somewhere close by. That thought stung, had the Cullens been living near me for the last few months without my knowledge? Not that I would have done anything if I'd known… except maybe moved.

Giving up this line of thought I turned to the newspaper I had brought in with me. I'd been reading for a few minutes when the bell on top of the door rang signaling the entrance of Maggie. "Morning Maggie, there's coffee on in the back, but we're out of the hazelnut stuff you like." I didn't bother to look up, but in hindsight perhaps I should have.

As I continued to read it struck me as strange that Maggie hadn't said hello to me, which was unusual in itself, but perhaps even stranger was the fact that there were no footsteps to indicate that she had even come into the store at all. Puzzled by this I looked up, and was immediately greeted by two pairs of dark gold eyes that I thought I'd never see again.

"Alice, Jasper what the hell are you doing here?" I said as I struggled to get my heart rate back under control. I felt a wave of calm pass over me, and I passed a glare to Jasper who merely smirked at me.

"Well, Bella, I would have thought that was rather obvious… this is a bookstore, I need a book," Alice responded with an impish smile playing across her mouth.

I stared at her for a moment, not believing her for one second. "Alright, what book do you need?"

"The dictionary"

"Really. _You_ need a dictionary? Please you need a dictionary like I need a Porsche."

Jasper's lip twitched like he was trying to hold back a laugh while Alice's eyebrows knit together as she glared at me.

"That's weird Bella I never took you for the sports car type."

"Well I never took you for the type to need to look up the meaning of a word in any language known to man, let alone the one you grew up speaking, so tell me the truth, what are you doing here?"

She grimaced for a moment, "I honestly did come in for a dictionary, we moved to town recently so we're making the rounds to local businesses in order to dispel the stories that are sure to come up if we don't get our faces out there early. It's a bit of a Cullen tradition."

"Ah, well rest assured that I will not be spreading any sort of rumors about the huge family that moved into town, but never came into the bookstore, and therefore must be illiterate." I continued to stare at them and they stared right back at me. "Was there something else you wanted Alice?"

"How are you?" she asked.

"How am I?"

"Yes."

"I'm fine Alice, why do you ask?"

"Are you really fine Bella? Because you don't look so good, you look way too thin, and when was the last time you got anywhere near a full night's sleep?"

For some reason her words angered me, what right did she have to come into my life and ask me personal questions like that?

"Why are you upset Bella?" Jasper said after a minute of my silence.

"Well Jasper, I'm upset because apparently despite not caring enough to at least say 'Goodbye, you were swell for a few laughs' three years ago, to the day actually, she suddenly feels as if my life is any of her concern." They both looked at me in shock, seventeen year old me had never actually gotten mad at them before. Well seventeen year old me also thought that they cared about me, even loved me.

"Bella – "

"Forget about it Alice, I'm sorry I snapped at you, I should have seen it coming, you guys really couldn't have stayed in Forks for much longer and it was unreasonable of me to expect some sort of great send off. I promise you won't get any problems from the bookstore, not that you would have anyway, but please, just go." I was fighting to keep the tears from pouring down my cheeks.

"Okay Bella, but just so you know, I always cared about you."

I couldn't look at her, and I didn't look up again until I heard the bell over the door ring again, surprised to see Maggie come in as Alice and Jasper left.

"Who were they, I haven't seen them around before," She asked.

"They were just my past coming back to bite me in the ass." I replied.

Maggie looked frightened, "You're not in some kind of trouble are you Bella?"

I thought about it for a moment, "Yeah Maggie, I'm in trouble, but not the kind anyone can help me out of. Don't worry, I'll deal with it."

She didn't look convinced, but Maggie let it go. The day went fairly normally after the appearance of the Cullens. Maggie tried to talk me into going out again that night as I didn't have to work the bar, but I declined the offer, saying I had a headache, which was actually true.

I made my way out to my car and was relatively unsurprised to see someone waiting there for me.


	3. Chapter 3

There sitting by my car was the woman I once would have been more than happy to call Mom. She smiled shyly at me, but made no move towards me.

"Esme, what are you doing here?" my tone wasn't accusatory as it had been with Alice and Jasper earlier, but rather the emotional fatigue I felt from the day was penetrating my voice.

Esme hesitated for a moment, "I wanted to talk to you Bella, but I wasn't sure if you'd want to talk to me, Alice told me about her visit with you earlier."

I sighed, "Did you drive or find alternate means of transportation?"

She laughed, "I drove, if you wanted nothing to do with me, which I would fully understand, I wanted to be able to get home without attracting any unwanted attention."

I nodded, "Do you mind if we don't talk here? We can go to my house if you want." I offered, for some reason despite my easy anger at the woman I used to think of as my sister I couldn't get mad at Esme. Maybe I was too tired from the day, or maybe there was a part of me that refused to see Esme as anyone other than my surrogate mother.

"Thank you dear that would be lovely, shall I follow you there?" I nodded my agreement and we left the small parking lot.

On the drive I tried to think of what Esme would need to talk to me about. She probably wanted to make sure I stayed out of their lives while we were in the same place, wanted to make sure that I wouldn't show up on their door out of the blue someday desperate for their attention. Two years ago that would have been a very necessary conversation, it wasn't now though. Maybe she still had some sort of motherly feelings towards me and wanted to warn me about _his_ distractions before I was presented with one sans preparation.

I was about to find out anyway, we were at my house. Esme waited for me to get out of my car and up the steps before exiting her own vehicle and joining me on the porch. Opening the door I was struck once again by the emotions that came along with thinking of Esme as my mother. What if she didn't approve of my home? She was the first person who was more than a year or two older than me other than my landlady and I wondered what she'd think of it.

Apparently my fear was unnecessary because after we'd entered Esme said, "This is very nice Bella, it's very you."

I looked around the living room and tried to see what part of me she saw reflected in the décor, but came up empty. Of course there really wasn't much of me in anything anymore. The room was fairly impersonal in any case, I had a couch, a comfy chair, an entertainment center with a barely used TV, but there wasn't much else. Maybe Esme saw the minimalist style of the place as being me.

In any case I smiled, "If you were anyone else I'd offer you something to drink and offer to make some food, but that seems a bit useless."

She laughed, "Thank you dear, the thought is what counts, or so Edward is always telling me." She was kind and pretended not to notice my wince at the mention of her youngest son.

We stood there awkwardly for a moment, "So what was it you wanted to talk to me about?" I gestured to the couch as I sat in my comfy chair.

She took a deep unnecessary breath, "Well Bella, I'm not really sure where to start. From what Alice told me this morning it seems that you are under quite the misconception about the family. She seemed inclined to believe that you thought we didn't care about you at all." She paused giving me a chance to respond.

I sighed, "Perhaps I came on a bit too strong with Alice, I was fairly shocked to see her to be honest, I'd convinced myself that you guys weren't living anywhere near here, that last night was just a chance encounter. But although I was harsh and blew things a bit out of proportion, the basic idea was fairly on par with my thoughts. It's not that I thought you never cared for me, I used to see it in all of your eyes, but more that I felt it was unreasonable to expect you all to continue to care about me forever. After your son decided to leave I couldn't expect that your feelings for me would have been the same, but I was very much hurt that you didn't even bother to say goodbye, and the only explanation that I could reasonably come up with for that was that you no longer cared about me anymore than you cared for anyone else."

Esme looked both taken aback and understanding, "Isabella Marie, none of us ever stopped caring about you! The reason we didn't give you a proper goodbye was that Edward thought that the best thing for you would have been a clean break, that it would hurt you less in the long run if you weren't reminded of him. And if I'm being completely honest my dear, although some of the family disagreed with him, we owed him. There have been times that everyone has asked the family to do things, for support, but until you Edward never asked for anything, nor did he ever complain when someone else needed his support. We had no choice Bella, we had to do what he asked of us."

I nodded my head slowly trying to take it all in. So _he_ had not only taken his love away from me, but his entire family's love as well. I wasn't entirely sure how I felt about that. On the one hand I was furious with him for making choices about how it was best for me to heal without asking me. However I could also see why he wanted them out of my life, it was hard to make sure someone stayed out of your hair if she was still getting a family Christmas card.

After about five minutes of silence I finally spoke, "I'm not sure what you want me to say Esme, I don't blame you for doing what you had to, but I've been carrying a lot of hurt around with me for a while, and I need some time to think about what you've told me and what it means for me."

"I completely understand, I think you're taking this all quite well actually, but Bella there is one more thing."

"Yes?"

"Well, we've had a talk with the family, and we all agree, we want the chance to get to know you again if that's alright with you. We're completely willing to take you're lead on this, to the extent that if you tell me tonight that you want nothing to do with us we're prepared to leave the area."

This was not what I was expecting.

"Esme," I said hesitantly, "I would never ask you guys to leave, but I'm not sure what I want at this point. Could we maybe take this slow? Right now my brain is so muddled from even contemplating the idea that you guys are all here that I can't give you any real answer that I'll be able to stick to in ten minutes let alone tomorrow."

"Of course Bella, I'm just relieved that you're considering it at all, but in the interest of full disclosure, I feel the need to tell you, that not all the Cullens are in New York."

"Who's missing?" I asked.

"Edward isn't living with us at the moment. He's…away, and I'm not sure when he'll be coming home."

Ah of course, he had distractions to think about, I'd forgotten.

Esme and I spent the next few minutes making small talk. She told me about their new house making sure to let me know that I was welcome there any time I wanted to come over, but that I shouldn't feel pressured. I told her about my brief college career, and she seemed shocked but pleased I managed to get my degree so quickly. Esme must have seen that I was fading because after a brief time she stood up.

"It's getting late, and some of us need our sleep. I should get going." I stood up to walk her towards the door. Right before the door closed I called out to her.

"Esme wait!"

She turned back towards me, "Yes dear?"

"I think I would like to have a relationship with your family again, and please tell Alice I'm sorry I snapped at her."

Esme's face broke into a giant grin, "I'm sure she understood Bella, and I'm so very beyond happy that you're willing to give us a second chance, why don't you come to the house this weekend and we'll all get caught up?"

"That sounds great."

Esme left my house, and I went upstairs to shower and get ready for bed, contemplating what this decision would mean for me in my future.


	4. Chapter 4

The next morning I woke up with a surprisingly good attitude. I got to sleep an extra half hour, which normally would be enough to make me happy, but I knew that that wasn't what had me so thrilled, and my positive mood was enough to cement my decision to let the Cullens back into my life.

The entire morning at the store I was anxious waiting for Alice to show up. It wasn't like her to wait any longer than absolutely necessary to do what she wanted. Around 1:30 Maggie was about ready to force me to take my lunch break despite my insistence that I be allowed to work through. I was too anxious to leave fearing I would miss Alice. Right in the middle of my insisting that I was fine and didn't need food the bell on top of the door rang and Alice came in practically bouncing on the balls of her feet.

"You know what Maggie you're right, I should go grab something." I didn't give her a chance to respond before I made my way to the door to greet Alice who promptly turned and lead me to her car which was beyond ostentatious.

"Really Alice? Pink?"

"I know I know! I just couldn't help myself and it's a beetle, so technically it's not completely out of the range of possibility." After we pulled out Alice handed me a plastic grocery bag.

"What's this?"

"Your lunch, I didn't want you to skip any meals, you really are far too thin Bella." I rolled my eyes at her but ate the sandwich she'd brought me without complaint.

After I finished I finally had the sense to ask where she was taking me.

"I thought we could take a walk by the river while we discuss the particulars of your visit, it's about as nice a day as I ever get to be outside in so I figured why not take advantage?" I looked outside at the bleak sky and stifled a giggle.

When we got to the small park that was adjacent to the river Alice parked and we got out of the car.

The awkward silence was deafening.

"So… I'm coming to your house this weekend?" I prompted.

In response Alice wrapped her arms around me in a bear hug that could have put Emmet's hug to shame.

"I missed you so much Bella."

"I missed you too Alice, but I have a question for you."

"What?"

"Why didn't you tell your family I was here?"

She grinned sheepishly, "What do you mean?"

I gave her a look, "You know exactly what I mean oh omniscient one."

Alice hesitated, "Well to be perfectly honest I didn't know Bella."

"What do you mean you didn't know?"

She sighed, "I mean I had no idea you weren't in Forks. When we left Edward made me promise not to go looking into your future. At first it was hard, I was so used to looking forward for you that I would pick everything up. I could see how broken you were, but all I could do was convince myself that you would get past it and force myself not to look for any evidence of that. It was unbearable to see you suffer but be unable to do anything about it. But I made myself do it, and eventually you started to fade from my radar. I haven't seen anything since you decided what to major in at college."

I nodded, it all went back to the idea that _he_ wanted to keep me separate from his family. Maybe Alice would have been able to look for me if he hadn't been able to see her thoughts, but as long as he could know that she was thinking of me he wouldn't be able to keep me out of his life.

Over the next half hour we talked about why we had each moved here. I told Alice about my college experiences, which didn't take much time, and she told me about the last school they'd attended which took even less. She told me that they had decided to move earlier than usual because people in the last town they lived in had been becoming too suspicious too soon, and now she and the rest of the Cullens who were around were going to the local high school. She made no mention of her missing brother and I didn't ask.

Finally we realized that I had to get back to work.

"So when do you want to come by this weekend?"

I thought for a moment, "Well, I have to work the bar on Saturday night, but what about Sunday afternoon?"

"Works for us, come by around three, and don't complain when Esme makes you dinner."

I laughed and felt genuinely sad to see her go when she dropped me off at the bookstore once again.

* * *

On Sunday I woke up far earlier than I intended to and had to take my time getting ready for the day. I went to my closet and attempted to pull together an outfit that wouldn't have Alice preparing to kill me over my lack of fashion sense and finally ended up in jeans and a lightweight pink sweater. I still had hours to go before I could conceivably show up on the Cullens doorstep so I reorganized the kitchen. Then the bathroom. Then I rearranged all the living room furniture, then put it back. Finally I decided it was better to be early than late and left my house.

I pulled up in front of a building that would be considered a decent display of wealth if I didn't know that it was practically a two room shanty to those who lived within its walls. The house was the size of a moderate bed and breakfast and had all the charm of one as well.

Despite my earlier eagerness I sat in the car unable to screw up my courage enough to go knock on the door.

After I'd been outside for about fifteen minutes I heard a light tapping on the passenger side window and looked up to see Alice waving at me. I rolled down the window.

"Well, are you going to come in or what? We don't bite you know."

"Cute Alice, really cute." I replied, but I got out of the car and walked up the steps.

When we got inside I was happy to see that everyone was where they should be. Jasper and Emmett were playing some kind of war game while Rosalie watched. Esme was waiting by the door with Carlisle behind her to welcome me.

"Bella," Esme said pulling me into a motherly hug.

She released me, but I was only out of her arms for a moment when a much larger set came up behind me and squeezed me just a tad too hard.

"Bella! You're here!"

I let what little air was still in my lungs out as a laugh, "Yes Emmett, I am, but I won't be for much longer if you don't let me breathe." He put me down looking sheepish before he took my hand and lead me into the living room and handed me a game controller. "You're on my team, the stick in the mud and the pixie are the enemy, let's kick some ass!" And the games began.

As it turned out, we didn't kick much ass that day.

After spending an exorbitant amount of time playing video games my stomach started to grumble, which in any other company may have gone unnoticed, but not here.

"Time to feed the human," Alice said, and I was reminded with a pang of my days in Forks, when someone else used to say those very same words to me. Jasper gave me a look at my sudden change in mood, but I just shook my head and followed Alice to the kitchen where there was pasta waiting for me on the counter.

Once I'd had my meal the Cullens and I spent the rest of the evening catching up, which there was surprisingly a lot of to do given the fact that I'd had similar conversations with both Esme and Alice earlier in the week. Before I knew it, it was ten and I needed to get home so I could get some sleep. Before I left we made plans for me to come over the following week as well.

When I went to sleep that night I had the best night's rest I'd had in a long time, nightmare free.

**A/N: Hey everyone! Thanks for reading! I hope you all you people out there in cyberspace are enjoying reading this as much as I'm enjoying writing it. If you like it drop me a review, if you think something needs improvement drop me a review too, and heck if you have any questions, drop me a review.**


	5. Chapter 5

And so the Cullens and I continued on in this pattern for several weeks. When I came over we'd play games or just talk. If the weather was good enough, and in some cases bad enough, the more durable among us would play sports, and I would referee. They even went so far as to keep the kitchen fully stocked for me, although when I told them they didn't have to do that, Esme claimed it was all part of the human charade.

"We don't want people to think we don't eat dear! How would that look? We've shopped in every town we've lived in, it's just nice that now the perishables won't all spoil!"

After about three weeks of my coming over once a month Alice decided she didn't see me enough and she started coming to see me at work begging me to come shopping with her, and I was too happy that she was back in my life to deny her.

With some work I even managed to be able to think and say Edward's name, which had come in handy the last time I visited.

I'd gotten there before Carlisle which was not the rarest thing when he had to work a weekend shift at the hospital, but when he finally did get home he seemed dazed.

"Edward called me today," he said and all conversation came to a halt.

"What did he say?" Esme almost looked scared of the answer.

"It seems he's thinking of coming state side again."

"Did he say when? Is he coming home?"

Carlisle looked saddened, "No, I don't think he is, he's not even sure that he's coming back at all."

That was the last mention of Edward that night, but there was a strange heaviness to the evening that had me leaving far earlier than I might have otherwise.

It seemed that I had finally found some balance in my life between work and family, and I was more than thrilled by that fact. When I woke up and looked in the mirror I started to like who I saw. I was putting on weight that I'd lost and never recovered after Edward left, and the dark shadows were slowly disappearing from under my eyes due to the improved quality of sleep I was enjoying. There were still nightmares, but they were less frequent and they didn't scare me as much.

I was thinking about the last time I had visited the Cullens when I entered the house. I had long since ceased using the doorbell after having been informed that it was beyond unnecessary.

The living room looked as if a very expensive fabric store had exploded all over it, and Alice was looking very guilty next to a pedestal with a measuring tape.

"Alice, what the hell is going on here?"

Alice sighed, "Hear me out Bella, please. Next month Carlisle has a benefit for the hospital, it's for sick kids, and rather than buying six tickets, he bought a table. So naturally with two seats left we thought we could invite you, but the thing is it's a really formal dinner, and I knew you'd object if I bought you a dress from a designer, so I thought I could make you one instead! So really all you have to do is stand on that pedestal for fifteen minutes, go eat some really great food, maybe dance with Emmett or Jazz a couple times, and you get to help some sick kids as well as let me get in some arts and crafts time!"

Part of what makes Alice Alice is that she has the undeniable charm and ability to be able to talk a cobbler into buying a pair of shoes. Expensive leather shoes. So in an almost trancelike state I stepped onto the pedestal and proceeded to let Alice drape me in expensive fabric to her heart's content.

As a vampire Alice worked very quickly and after ten minutes I had a general idea of what the dress was going to look like. It was a dark blue silk with indigo undertones that had an almost fairylike feel to it, with broad straps and overlaying silk chiffon.

Alice was stinking some last pins in the dress and we were negotiating on shoes.

"Bella, you _need_ a stiletto with this gown, it would make your legs look gorgeous!"

"Alice, I don't _need _to wear anything with this dress, you're the one designing it, so you can make it so I don't need to wear death traps!" She gave me a look that said she begged to differ. "Okay, finem how's this, you've been trying to get me to go to the city with you for a while, so I'll take off of work on Saturday and we can go and attempt to find a pair of shoes that meets our mutual satisfaction, and I will consent to playing Bella Barbie and let you pick some other stuff out for me alright?" She didn't answer, "Alice?" I said looking down at her, but her attention wasn't focused on me, she was staring straight at the door.

As I turned to see what she was staring at I heard the tell-tale sound of the door opening, and in walked the man who haunted both my nightmares and my dreams, Edward Cullen.

I froze and he looked directly into my startled eyes, disbelief evident in his tawny ones. As we stood staring at each other shocked I took the opportunity to drink him in. It was impossible that he had changed since the last time I had seen him, and yet there was something different about him, or perhaps my memories had been flawed. He was even more perfect than I remembered him, and I could not bring myself to look away, but it seemed he could. His gaze slid to Alice, and turned almost angry.

"What is going on here?" he asked, his voice sounding better than a choir of angels.

From the stairs I heard Esme's voice, bringing me back into reality, "Edward, are you really home?"

Edward turned to his mother, "That depends on whether or not someone in this house will explain to me what the hell is happening!"

To this day I have only one thought as to what could possibly have made me open my mouth and give an explanation for my presence, and it was the fact that Edward had asked for it. Despite all that had happened I was still powerless to resist giving Edward anything he wanted, even if it meant the fact that I may never see him again.

"What's going on here Edward," I began, "is that since your family has moved here, we've been spending time together, and I'm very sorry that this seems to have upset you, I don't want to cause a strain in your relationship," I turned to Alice, "And Alice if you'll help me get out of this dress, I'll go home and let you all get back to your family, it was never my intention to intrude."

I stepped off the pedestal and looked intently at Alice.

"Bella you don't have to – "

I held up my hand and cut her off, "Alice, you're my best friend, and if you ever need me you know where to find me, but he's your brother, and I know there's really no decision to be made here. So please, just let me go." I was fighting back tears by this time, not wanting to let them go, but unwilling to cause a rift in the family I loved so much.

Alice nodded looking upset and lead me out of the room to help me take the elegant gown off, when I came back to the front of the house all the Cullens were seated in the living room, and I waved goodbye to them all, unable to look at Edward's perfect face afraid of the condemnation I would see there.

Alice walked me to my car and just before I got in she said to me, "I'll call you tomorrow okay? There is no reason I'm going to stop seeing you just because of my idiot brother."

I smiled wistfully at her before pulling out of the driveway.

Once I got home I poured myself a glass of wine, sat down in on the couch and cried until I fell asleep.

**A/N: So what do you think? Let me know!**


	6. Chapter 6

The next day I called in sick to work, I had some serious reevaluating to do.

A week ago I was actually beginning to become happy with my life, I knew that I would never return to the happiness I had felt during that one blissful summer, but my I'd begun to move on. Or at least I thought I had. Now I realized that I'd been using my visits to the Cullens as a crutch, as a way to make myself feel that I could do things on my own, but in reality I'd come to depend on them too much, and now I was face with the prospect of having to re-teach myself how to walk without the support I needed.

Faced with nothing but a day of solitude and misery I put on sweats, made hot coco and sat down in front of the television to watch the morning news shows I never got the chance to watch. I was halfway through a segment about which new eco-friendly skirt would best suit my body type when there was a knock on my door. I got up to answer it to find Alice waiting on my door step.

"Hey, can I come in?" she sounded timid, like there was something she was nervous about. She was probably scared that after she told me that her family was going to have to cut off contact with me for Edward's benefit that I would get hysterical.

"Like I could stop you if I wanted to," I said standing aside to let her pass me. She went directly to the living room and cast a skeptical eye at the empty bottle of wine I had left over from the previous night, but wisely chose not to make a comment.

"So how are you holding up?" she asked.

I considered lying to her for a moment, telling her that I was fine, but I'd never been a great actress and she knew me too damn well for that. "The man I thought I'd spend the rest of forever with dumped me and took away any connections to the family that I came to love as my own. When I'd finally reconciled myself to the fact that I would never see those people again they happen to move into the same town as me, and I got close to them again. And just when I think that my life is good, not perfect, not great, but livable, the same man who broke my heart enters stage left to come back to the same family he stole from me only to leave them behind. I think I can safely say that right now I'm holding up as well as can be reasonably expected."

Alice nodded slowly, looking like she wanted to cry, "That's what I figured, it's why I took off school today, I needed to see if you were okay. Actually, everyone took off today, we had some stuff that we needed to figure out and it took all night and most of the morning. They sent me over to talk to you about it." She turned to me with pleading eyes.

Before she could say anything I opened my mouth, "Alice, you don't have to tell me what you decided. He's your brother, he's Carlisle and Esme's son, he's family. And frankly, he's been away from you for far too long, of course you need to respect his wishes, I wouldn't want you to do anything else. Don't worry, I won't show up on your doorstep begging you to let me in, I won't go around bad mouthing you, and I won't do anything stupid."

Alice had a strange look on her face, "Bella that's not what we thought at all," she sighed, "you _are_ family to us too. He's a brother and a son, but you're a sister and a daughter, and we don't want you to stop coming over. I came over here to tell you that we understand if _you_ don't want to be around us anymore, we know that seeing Edward around might be hard for you, and we don't want to cause you any unnecessary pain, but the family is here for you however you want us to be, even if it means we have to come to you. We will not lose you again unless you want us to leave."

I thought about this for a moment. Was there some way that I could keep the Cullen's in my life? It was true that it would be painful to see Edward with any manner of regularity, but the whole truth was that in the brief period of time I saw Edward the previous night I felt happier than I had in years. I was truly a masochist.

"Alice, I don't want to lose you guys either, and I'm fine with continuing with our current arrangement, but I will not make your brother uncomfortable, if he doesn't want me in your house I will not come."

Alice was shaking her head half-way through my statement, "Bella, I don't know where you got the impression that my brother can't stand to be around you, but it's utterly false. Edward may have left Forks with us, but that was to make things easier for you, he never had a problem with being around you."

This surprised me, surely Edward must have known that his abrupt departure did not make things easier for me in the least, far from it, my memories of him had made me question my sanity for a time.

After sitting in silence for a few minutes Alice cautiously spoke up once more, "So… since yesterday got cut short, and you're off today and we're off today, we were wondering if you'd like to come over for the afternoon. The family wants to see you, and I do need to finish that dress…"

I considered this proposal for a moment, "Alright, I'll come but you really don't need me for the dress, you're a vampire, and if that thing fits me any tighter than it did last night I may have to find some way to kill you."

Alice conceded unhappily, then told me to go shower and get ready. Upon exiting the bathroom I found that an outfit that I had most definitely not purchased for myself was lying on my bed waiting for me. There was nothing in my closet or drawers to swap it out with.

"Alice!" I yelled

"Oh calm down, it'll all be back by tomorrow. Except that mustard colored sweater, which has already been disposed of."

I bit back a scream and proceeded to dress in what Alice had left for me, a pastel blue sweater and jeans, before stomping down the stairs and out to Alice's car.

Alice drove like the Cullen that she was and we made it to the house in five minutes flat. She left me no time to be nervous as she opened my door, grabbed my arm, and practically dragged me towards the house. Upon entering I saw Esme arranging flowers in the living room while Jasper and Carlisle played chess.

Esme looked up as we entered, "Bella, I'm so glad you decided to come back!" I smiled at her and that was all anyone said about it. Alice and I went into the living room where she stood behind Jasper watching him play and I clumsily attempted to help Esme with the flower arrangements. We talked about pleasant non committal topics for a while until Edward entered the room.

It was strange, he made no noise as he moved, there was no indication that he was entering the room, but the instant he was in the entryway I was aware of his presence. It was as if there was nothing between us, as if he was entering a room back in Washington, except I didn't allow a giant smile to come across my face, nor did I run into his arms which were not outstretched waiting for me. I stared at him for a moment before realizing that he was staring right back at me.

I blushed.

He smiled.

"Bella," he said softly nodding his head in acknowledgement of my presence.

"Edward," I said in the same manner struggling to keep my voice even and nearly failing. We continued to look at each other until behind me I heard someone softly say, "Checkmate."

Before I could blink Alice was in front of Edward, "How about we play?" Edward blinked and stopped staring at me before smiling at his sister.

"You're on."

For the rest of the afternoon we played Chess and talked about pleasant neutral subjects. Alice reminded me about the trip to the city I promised her and I said I'd take off this weekend. Before I knew it, it was getting dark and I needed to get home I looked up to get Alice to take me, but it she seemed to have disappeared.

As I headed for the stairs a soft velvet voice said, "Alice decided to re organize her shoes… it could take hours. If you wish I could drive you home." Edward was not insisting, but rather asking me if he could drive me, a change from our previous relationship.

I turned to look at him and there was a strange emotion in his eyes. Uncertainty? I couldn't be sure.

"That'd be great, thanks," I said, and we went out to the car.

**A/N: Hey guys, I hope you're enjoying this so far. I'm considering doing a few scenes from Edward's POV, but I don't want things to get repetitive, so let me know if you want me to, and if you do which scenes you want done, whether Bella was there or not. On a side note, I'm so sorry that this took so long to get up, as it is I'm currently trying to upload this and I'm getting error messages…**


	7. Chapter 7

The moment I sat down in the car I began to seriously rethink my acceptance of Edward as a form of transportation.

It seemed that I had forgotten my body's natural reaction to him. It was not like those of other humans, although parts of it were the same as any other female. My heart rate sped up although it was not in fear, my breathing came in sharper and quicker, and I suddenly couldn't remember my own mother's name.

He turned to me with his glittering smile, laughter in his eyes, "Is everything alright Bella?"

It took me a moment to remember that I was Bella, and that he was inquiring as to my physical state rather than the general amazingness of the moment. "I'm fine, everything's fine." He had the decency to let it go after that instead of continuing to question my physical response to him.

We drove in silence until he leaned down to turn the CD player on. Country western music started blasting out of the speakers, and I turned to look at him curious as to his recent change in musical taste.

He winced, "Sorry, this is Jasper's car, I don't usually take my siblings' vehicles for just this reason, and they all seem to have deplorable taste in music. I would have thought better of Jasper, but I guess you can take the boy out of the country, but you can't take the country out of the boy."

I laughed and he turned the radio on instead, choosing a smooth jazz station that he put on low. After five minutes passed with nothing but the music to break the silence Edward spoke again.

"Bella I wanted to apologize for the other night, my actions were deplorable, and I'm sorry if I scared you at all."

"Its fine Edward, you came into your home and found someone you didn't expect to see there, couple that with the fact that you explicitly told your family to stay out of my life, and I'm sure anyone would have reacted the same way. And for the record if you didn't scare me when you told me you were a vampire who wanted to kill me, what makes you think that you would scare me by getting a little angry?"

I was bluffing to a certain extent, he had scared me, but not in the way he thought he had, I was never scared of being hurt in the Cullen house, at least not physically. I had however been beyond frightened that I was going to lose the closest thing I ever had to a real family for the second time.

"Yes, about that, I want you to know that I asked my family to stay away from you for your sake. I thought that it would be harder for you if they were around or calling you, but none of them wanted to stay away, even Rosalie thought that I was being harsh."

I was a little annoyed by that and the emotion seeped into my voice when I replied, "You don't have to explain yourself Edward, I already talked to your sister and your mom about it, and they filled me in on your reasoning." Although I still had my doubts about how much of their information was accurate. They both said he left to make things easier on me, but I still thought that there was a part of him that wanted to make sure I didn't crop up unexpectedly in his life.

Although if that was any part of his reasoning it had certainly backfired on him.

Edward must have sensed the emotion behind my words because he didn't say anything after that until we pulled up in front of my house. As I was getting out of the car he grabbed my hand, and the sensation of his cool fingers on my warm ones made me turn to him in surprise.

"Bella, Alice mentioned you were planning a shopping trip in New York next weekend?"

"Yes, unfortunately that's the plan."

"I was wondering, would it be possible for me to join you? I mean if you don't want me to that's completely fine, but I'd really like to come."

This confused me, "Why Edward? I mean you spaz when you find me in your house with your family so what do you want from me?"

He looked down for a moment and he seemed to wage an internal battle before he finally spoke, "Bella, I'm planning on being with the family for a while and it has been made clear to me that you will be spending time with the family as well, and no one would have it any other way. I guess I just want to have a positive relationship with you, rather than walking on eggshells every time you're around."

I considered that. Could I possibly have any relationship with him that wasn't romantic? Would I… could I be happy with that relationship? The answer was very clear to me, no I couldn't ever be entirely happy without him, the effects of the band-aid that was the Cullen family had intensified to an extreme extent from the first moment that he walked into the Cullen household.

"Sure Edward, you can come."

He smiled, "Thank you Bella!"

It was probably just wishful thinking, but I could have sworn that as I walked away Edward was watching me with a strange look in his eyes, almost like longing.

* * *

The week-end finally came.

Despite my previous objection to shopping with any Cullen, though more specifically Alice, I was actually excited for this trip. It wasn't that I enjoyed shopping more now, but rather that I realized how much I actually missed the time I'd spent with Alice.

I'd originally only planned for a day trip, but Alice had managed to convince me that it made more sense to go on Friday and stay through Sunday afternoon since I didn't have to work anyway.

Since I'd agreed to let Edward come Alice insisted on bringing Jasper claiming that it was "just to even up the gender count" when I'd pointed out that I was in no way romantically involved with her brother the way that she clearly was with her husband.

So at six on Friday evening I went over to the Cullen house for our usual night of fun, but it was a shortened version of our usual evening due to our impending trio. I was only there for about an hour when Alice announced that it was time to leave and we left for Edward's recently acquired car.

"Another Volvo, huh?" I asked.

"Yes, I've found that messing with a good thing isn't the way to go," he gave me a strange look as he said this.

Not knowing how to react I said, "Yes, but this one isn't silver, it's blue."

"Well, I've also been told that variety is the spice of life." He grinned at me.

I made my way towards the back seat of the car, but before I could open the door Alice was in front of me.

"Bella, why don't you sit up front? Jasper and I can take the back."

Knowing resistance was futile I made my way to the passenger's seat, and buckled up. Once we were on the highway Edward started to allow his foot to rest a little more liberally on the gas and I realized that the trip, which usually took a couple hours, would probably take less than one if we didn't hit gridlock traffic. Even though I knew that I had nothing to fear about Edward's driving skills I felt myself tense involuntarily. Edward gave me a look, but I just nodded to the speedometer and he chuckled softly.

There wasn't too much conversation during the car ride, Alice chattered excitedly about where she was going to take me shopping. I just let her name the expensive sounding stores and reminded her that she was allowed to buy shoes for me, and one outfit and that was it. She laughed in my face and told me I was free to attempt to stop her from getting me whatever she wanted to.

My estimate was a little off, and we reached the city in just over an hour pulling up to the Waldorf-Astoria.

"Alice, what did you do?" I cried, knowing full well that the cost of a weekend at the famous hotel was beyond ridiculous."

"I didn't do anything Bella, we have a permanent residency in the towers, so we're just staying at a place we already own."

As I silently fumed Edward came around to open my door and hand the keys to a waiting valet along with, what I assumed was, an exorbitant tip for moving the car.

We took the elevator up to the suite of rooms the Cullen family owned and I tried not to gawk too much at my decadent surroundings. The apartment that we soon entered wasn't much better and I had to bite my tongue as Alice directed me to one of the rooms that I could use for the stay.

I entered, with Edward right behind me carrying my suit case which he placed on the bed for me.

"The bathroom is right in there, and the kitchen is fully stocked if you need a midnight snack later. I'll let you get settled."

He left and I collapsed onto the overstuffed bed, and despite the early hour, I fell asleep.

* * *

When I woke up again I looked out the window to see that it was still dark out. A quick look at the clock on the bedside table told me it was three in the morning. After taking a moment to wake up, I realized that I was starving and went into the kitchen to find the midnight snack Edward had mentioned earlier.

As I walked towards the kitchen I saw Edward sitting alone in the living room with a book in hand.

"Good morning," he said, a lopsided grin playing on his mouth.

"The same to you, where are Alice and Jasper?"

"You know what they say, New York is the city that never sleeps, I believe they went out to put that saying to the test. I elected to stay behind rather than be subjected to loud, melody less music and hot crowded rooms."

I laughed, "Well, I'm just gonna go grab something in the kitchen, I'll leave you to your book."

I turned to leave, but he stopped me, "I'll come with you, it seems that _The Count of Monte Cristo_ doesn't gain anything when written in Chinese."

I laughed again and went to see what vampires defined as a 'fully stocked' kitchen with Edward following behind me.

Unsurprisingly there was more food than I could eat in a month in the room, let alone the two days I would actually be here. I grabbed some ice cream and sat down at the table.

"So…" I said, unsure of what to say to Edward. We had never really had a "friend" phase in our relationship. I had disliked him then loved him with no in between phase, and I found myself at a loss now.

" So," he repeated back to me, "how long do you think you'll actually be able to hold Alice back from buying all of Bloomingdales for you."

"Honestly? I figure I'll be able to put up a decent fight for about ten minutes before I'm forced to give in, it just seems like the best idea."

With that question the ice was broken, and Edward and I continued to talk until I'd finished my ice cream. When I was done he invited me back to the living room, claiming he was going to put on an old movie, and asking me to join him. I agreed.

About an hour in I could feel myself falling asleep once more and I slumped against his shoulder with my eyes closed, he shifted to make me more comfortable, but the position we were now in was one of those in love, not just friends. I was not going to complain, and I was too exhausted to move, and as I fell asleep I could have sworn that I felt Edward's arms wrap around me and pull me closer to his body, leaving me in my own personal heaven.

**A/N: Don't shoot!! I'm so sorry about my lack of updates recently, I know that there is really no excuse that anyone who reads this will want to hear, but I've been completely preoccupied with school stuff lately, which this semester actually demands that I be somewhat creative! I'm going to do my best to get some writing done this weekend so I can post chapters more frequently. Sorry again, and as always drop me a review if you feel so inclined!**


	8. Chapter 8

When I woke up the next morning I was back in the bed that I'd been in before seeing Edward the previous night. A glance at the clock let me know that it was around nine, and I only had a few minutes to really wake myself up before Alice would come in demanding that I make myself presentable so that she could drag me shopping all day.

As I went into the bathroom to shower I considered what happened last night. Everything seemed completely normal until I had started to dose off, when Edward had pulled me to him. I knew that my imagination was probably just making more out of it than there actually was, but it seemed like he had held me like he used to, like he had when he loved me.

Then there was the question of how I got back into the bed. I was wearing the same clothing I had been when I went to get ice cream, which made me think Alice hadn't been the one to move me, and Jasper, despite the friendship we had formed, would have had no reason to move me when Alice, who I had a much stronger relationship with, could have done it just as easily. This led me to believe that Edward must have been the one to put me to bed.

Of course as once I answered that question a million more seemed to spring up. Had he stayed with me? Did I talk in my sleep last night? If I had, did I say anything embarrassing? Did I whisper his name as I knew I used to? When he had carried me, had he held me close to him?

I knew that the answers to these questions were probably not the ones I favored, but I couldn't stop myself from imaging the scenario I would have wanted to occur. I would have fallen asleep and he would have pulled me towards him, cradling me to his chest. When he decided I would be more comfortable in my bed, he would have held me tenderly and then he would have lain with me for a while, while I slept quietly.

However I knew that the likelihood of that having happened was nonexistent and I should stop allowing myself to dream.

When I went to my suitcase to get dressed I found to my extreme annoyance that there was nothing there that I had packed for myself, and that my clothing had instead been replaced with designer labels, no doubt courtesy of a certain annoying little pixie.

"Alice," I grumbled under my breath, and I hear a tinkling laugh from outside my room.

Deciding to make the best of my situation I grabbed the least offensive articles of clothing I could find and through them on. As my own personal form of rebellion I ignored the headband that was obviously supposed to go with the outfit and threw my hair into a ponytail.

Walking into the kitchen I was faced with three impeccably dressed vampires. Edward was reading the Times while Jasper seemed absorbed in the Journal, and Alice was tapping her foot impatiently at having been kept waiting for so long. I shot her a look that told her not to start with me and grabbed a muffin and some coffee.

After I'd eaten breakfast Alice laid down the itinerary for the day, "Bella, you and I are going to leave now to get your shoes and assorted clothing items. We're meeting the boys for lunch at two. Now, if you're a very good girl we'll take the boys and only do another hour's worth of shopping, and then we'll do something else ok?"

"Yes Miss Alice," I cheekily responded. Alice glared at me and I followed her out of the apartment like a prisoner headed towards the gallows.

It wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be. Alice had seemed determined to force me into hundreds of pairs of shoes, but I managed to bargain with her and told her if she would just pick something with a moderate heel I would wear it regardless of how expensive and unnecessary it was. After a brief squabble over what constituted "moderate" we finally agreed on a sandal with a one inch heel, and way too many rhinestones to count. I refused to be around when Alice was paying the bill.

After that we wandered around the city for a few hours. She forced me to try on all kinds of ridiculous clothing that would be completely out of place at home, but I knew better than to attempt to stop her. We were in a fitting room and Alice was tossing crazy clothing at me when I decided to bring up what had happened the previous night.

"So where were you and Jasper last night?"

Alice giggled, "You'd be amazed what an AmEx black card will do for you Bella! I noticed Jasper was getting low on suits at home so we went to Armani to get some more. Then we went to a club, but Jazz wasn't having too much fun, too many emotions flying around. So we ended up in central park playing superhero to a couple who was being mugged."

"Alice! Weren't you worried about exposure?"

"No, Jasper was quite a bit larger than the would be criminal, and he didn't have a gun or anything."

"So you guys didn't get in until this morning?"

"Nope, not until after eight."

"Huh," I said, mostly to myself. If they weren't back until just before I woke up, than Edward would have had to put me to bed. My earlier suspicions confirmed, I had to try twice as hard not to fantasize about what could have happened last night.

Alice finally declared we were done shopping, and she phoned the boys to meet us at a restaurant whose name I couldn't pronounce. I tried to convince her I would be fine with a pretzel or hot dog, but she just laughed at me.

When we got to the restaurant the boys were already seated with drinks in front of them. They stood like the gentlemen they were when we got to the table and came over and pulled our chairs out.

"So did you two have a good morning?" Edward asked me.

"It was fine," I said, "I managed to talk your sister out of forcing me into death traps for this dinner."

Edward laughed and we sat back down.

"Well Bella, I suppose that now that you're not planning on wearing heels dancing won't be a problem for you anymore, now will it?" Alice asked.

I nearly spit out my drink, "Alice you said dinner! I don't recall dancing being brought up at any point!"

"Well of course I didn't mention it silly, at the time you weren't going with anyone, I mean, Carlisle and Emmett would have taken a dance with you, but no one was planning on making you waltz more than once, but now that Edward's here, you'll have a dance partner."

I just gaped at Alice for a moment attempting to follow her skewed logic. "Alice, how does Edward's sudden appearance have any effect on my balance?"

Alice looked frustrated, "Isabella! I think if he could manage to maneuver you around a high school gym with one of your legs firmly encased in plaster, he'll be able to get you around an actual dance floor with all of your appendages fully functional."

I considered that. The obvious difference between the two situations was that Edward and I had been together at prom, and therefore it was perfectly natural for him to pull me against his body in order to maintain my balance. But now I didn't even know what we were. I suppose friends was the closest approximation to our relationship. I knew that I wanted more, I would always crave more from him, but I also knew that it was unreasonable of me to attempt to force myself on him. As much as Edward might claim that he didn't hate me, I also knew that he was a very accomplished liar, and it was distinctly possible that he was putting up with me for Alice's sake.

Then there was always the fact that I was a curiosity to him, the only person whose thoughts were silent to him. Had our time apart been enough to renew his interest in the strange defect that made my mind impenetrable for him?

The waiter came and took our order, or rather, he took orders for the four dishes I'd been pressured into trying. It helped that I couldn't pronounce anything on the menu, and therefore had no idea what I was putting into my mouth.

When we were finished Alice tried to talk me into dessert, but I reminded her that as a human I didn't run my meal off immediately after consuming it.

"So what's the plan for the rest of the day?" I asked.

Alice and Jasper shared a conspiratorial look, "Well," Alice said, "Jazzy and I were thinking about going to look for a new tux for him."

"Oh, okay," I said, feeling mildly dejected, "Well, that's cool, I'll just go back to the apartment and grab a nap or something."

It happened so quickly that I couldn't be sure I'd seen it, but I could have sworn that Alice kicked Edward's leg.

"Actually Bella, if you're not opposed to it, I was wondering if you might like to come help me look for a piano for the new house. I'd like your opinion."

"Edward, what could you possibly need my opinion on when it comes to pianos?"

Edward looked a bit sheepish, "Well, actually, there's something I've been wanting to talk to you about, and I figured that since this is the only opportunity I may get away from prying ears for a while, and of course, I want a woman's opinion on what shade of white or black I should choose."

Curious, I nodded my approval and followed him down the busy street towards a piano shop, and a conversation that had me more nervous than my last set of finals senior year of college.

**A/N: So once again I must apologize profusely for my lack of updates, school and being away for break have largely contributed to my reprehensible behavior. **

**BlissfullyHappy – The benefit is the weekend following the trip to New York, on Saturday evening.**

**So as usual any questions or comments are greatly appreciated! **

**Thanks for reading!**


	9. Chapter 9

As Edward and I walked down the street I waited as patiently as I could for him to bring up whatever he needed to talk to me about. But he didn't say anything.

We finally reached our location, a fairly deserted showroom. Edward held the door open for me and we were greeted by a man in a suit.

"Mr. Cullen?" Edward nodded and held out a hand, which the man shook, "I'm Alexander Davies sir, I believe you'll find all the models you requested on the floor, but if there's anything else you would like to look at, I'll be in the back room. Please don't hesitate to get me if you need anything."

"Thank you Mr. Davies, but I think we'll be fine for now."

The man left the room, and I turned to Edward, "Please tell me you didn't rent the entire store so you could pick out a piano."

Edward laughed, "Bella, there are only two things I do my own shopping for in person, one is cars, the other is pianos, so when I so shop, I prefer to do it style. Now, where should we begin?"

His face lit up like a little boy in a candy store, and I followed him to the nearest piano, he sat down played the first three notes of a scale, shook his head and stood up. He repeated the process with the next two pianos, until he finally got to a white parlor grand. He was playing something familiar, but I couldn't put a name to the piece.

"What is that?" I asked.

He looked up at me, not missing a beat, "Pachelbel's Canon in D. You can sit you know, you don't have to stand."

I smiled at him and took a seat on the bench. He continued to play, but the melody shifted, and I didn't have to ask to know that the song he was playing was one of his own compositions. It was bittersweet, broad, and sweeping. I found that my eyes were starting to tear up.

"What's wrong?" He had suddenly stopped playing as the first tear fell from my eyes.

"Nothing's wrong! It's just such a beautiful peace Edward, that's all."

He looked deep into my eyes as if searching for some hint that I was lying to him, but he should have known that if I was it would have been showing plainly on my face.

Trying to distract myself, I spoke to him, "So, you said there was something you needed to talk to me about?"

He looked away for a moment, seeming to contemplate his next words. "Bella, I need to know, what happened after I left you?"

I was startled, that wasn't the question I'd been expecting. "Edward, I really don't see any point in telling you this, it will just make you feel guilty."

"Please Bella, I need to know."

I sighed, "Fine. After you left I was entirely catatonic for two weeks, I couldn't eat, sleep, or talk. After that my mom came and she and Charlie tried to get me to move to Jacksonville with her, I refused, I couldn't leave Forks. I threw a bit of a temper tantrum, and Charlie agreed to let me stay. So I threw myself into school work because I had nothing better to do, went to college, and graduated. Then I moved out here because Charlie couldn't understand why I wasn't behaving like a normal twenty something, and he got involved with someone, and I wanted to give them some space ok?"

He shook his head looking at the ceiling, "Once again you move from your home for someone else's happiness, do you realize how eagerly you do that Bella? Attempt to please others by hurting yourself?"

Now I was angry, "Well, I'm sorry Edward, but as best as I can figure out, I'm already pretty messed up, and somewhat unhappy, so I don't see the point in making others miserable just to make myself feel a little better."

I turned away from him, trying to hide my tears, but he appeared in front of me silently and suddenly.

"But why are you so unhappy Bella?" I looked into his eyes, and I saw something flickering there that almost looked like hope.

"I haven't been truly happy since you left, alright Edward? I've been living, and after a while I started to laugh again, even enjoy life to an extent, but there has always been that dull, throbbing empty place in my heart where you left, and I can't get past it. No matter how hard I try, I can't manage to let you go completely." I was openly sobbing by this point, and Edward pulled me against his stone chest.

"Bella, Bella, Bella," he whispered into my hair rubbing soothing circles on my back, "there is something I need to tell you."

He waited until I calmed down before sitting back down on the piano bench and pulling me down next to him. I waited breathlessly as he tried to order his thoughts.

He smiled weakly, "You'll forgive me for my silence, but I'm not entirely sure where to begin. I suppose the easiest thing to do would be to simply begin at the beginning," he sighed.

"After Carlisle created me I was confused about my renewed life and what it might mean. At the age of seventeen I could not fully comprehend the idea of forever, I still find myself having difficulties with it, and I'm now well over a century old. I was enthralled by my new capabilities, intrigued by the fact that I would now have near limitless time to learn and travel, and although I'm ashamed to admit it, I felt a sense of superiority over the mere mortals who I lived around.

"Of course my rose colored glasses did not stay on for very long. After a time I began to grasp what it would be like to be seventeen forever. And of course in those days, seventeen was much closer to an adult than it is now. Eventually Carlisle found Esme, and though I was happy for them and even thrilled by what they shared, I was still mildly content to continue on as I had been, alone. Carlisle tried to find me a mate, you know something of how Rosalie came to join or family, but as I said I felt no need for a companion outside of my family.

"When Alice joined us, I was given a gift I never thought I would have. She seemed to understand me better than anyone else in my family did. I suspect it is our abilities that give us our bond, but still, I felt no need to seek out further companionship.

"So you see Bella, my entire life I've never known what I needed to be happy until it was granted to me. Now I can hardly think of a life that does not include every member of my family in some form. And I've come to realize that it is in my nature not to realize how important something or someone is until I've found it.

"And so you can see how I thought I was happy before I met you, I hadn't known of you and therefore I couldn't know how integral you would be to my happiness, but you are Bella, you are so far beyond integral to me happiness."

He paused for a moment and I tried to comprehend exactly what he was trying to say to me.

"When I left Forks, when I left you, it wasn't because I didn't want you around anymore. I lied to you, I didn't just want you in my life, I needed you the same way that you need air. But your birthday brought how dangerous I really was to you into sharp relief. I decided that I was wrong to deprive you of your humanity, of the sun and the other things that make you you, for my own selfish wants. I let you go, not because I wanted to, but because I felt I had to, and it damn near killed me to do it."

He was looking imploringly into my eyes at this point and I could tell that I was sobbing, although I had no idea when I'd started crying again, perhaps I'd never really stopped.

"Isabella, I love you." He whispered, and then ever so slowly, he leaned in towards me and began to kiss me.

His kiss was not like others we had shared in the past, it was filled with longing and a passion I had never felt from him before. We could have stayed like that for seconds, minutes, hours, or even days, I didn't know. But eventually I pulled away from him.

"Edward," I started, not entirely sure of what I was going to say, "I love you too, but I'm not sure if that's enough anymore."

He looked like he was in physical pain, "Bella, I – "

I cut him off, "No Edward, you had your chance to spill your guts and I didn't interrupt you, now you need to give me a turn. When you left I was decimated, I used to have to pretend you were in bed next to me just to get any sleep at all at night, and that made the mornings even worse because I would wake up and you wouldn't be there.

"I put my father through so much while he was trying to take care of me, and I all but killed my relationship with my mother. I spent the years you were worried about depriving me of as a shell of myself, and I continually pushed myself past what I should have been doing in an attempt to block out all the thought of you I was still having.

"And do you know, I was okay with it? I mean I wasn't happy by any stretch of the imagination, but I was I could understand how you may not want to be with me. I mean, there was nothing about me that could conceivably hold you, and I knew I had no right to tell you what to feel, I knew that that was out of my control.

"But now you come to me and tell me that I was in pain and that I suffered and wasted years of my life because you thought I would be better off without you? Do you even realize how horrible that is? Edward I want to be with you more than anything, I've dreamt about you coming back to me for years, but I don't know if that's something I can do anymore, I won't survive if you leave me again.

"If you had come back a few months, or even a year after you left, I know I would have leapt into your arms and gone anywhere you wanted me to, but you didn't come back Edward, you didn't come back. So I don't know what to do with this situation. I love you, I want you, but I know that right now I can't have you, because before I was hurt and heartbroken, but I understood. And now I'm still hurt and heartbroken, but more than that I'm angry, and I don't understand anymore."

At some point during my rant I had stopped crying and instead I had let my anger take over. I was grateful for the fact that Edward had picked a secluded place, although now that I knew what he'd wanted to talk about, it wouldn't surprise me if he'd chosen the location in case I reacted like this.

I just stared at him after that, and he stared back at me, pain evident in his eyes. We stayed like that for quite some time until Mr. Davies came out from his office.

"Mr. Cullen? Have you made your decision yet?"

Edward stared at me a moment longer before turning to answer the man with a polite smile, "Yes, I'll take this model in black please. I'll call your office tomorrow to finalize the sale."

For a moment Mr. Davies looked as though he might protest, but wisely he let it go and said goodbye.

We exited on to the street. I was quickly becoming antsy, I was afraid that he would leave again, or worse, that he would hate me.

Edward hailed a cab and we got in. After giving the cabbie instructions to take us to the apartment he turned towards me.

"I know you don't understand right now Bella, and I'd be lying if I said I expected you to, but I want you to know, I'm not going anywhere. I lost you once because of my own stupidity, and that is not a mistake I'm going to make twice. I don't care if you decide to hate me, if you want to key my car, wreck all of my possessions, or refuse to speak to me ever again, I'm not leaving you again ever, even if it means I have to watch you from a far while you find happiness in the arms of another man." He settled back down into the seat.

"I could never hate you Edward," I whispered, "no matter how much I may want to, I could never hate you."

The rest of the ride was silent.

**A/N: See that wait wasn't so bad now was it? I'm trying to write a chapter in advance every weekend so I'll be able to revise and hopefully post weekly. A big thanks to all of you who are reading, and a second big thanks to those of you who are reviewing as well! I never realized how great the reviews are until I started writing in a more public forum myself! Hope you liked it!**


	10. Chapter 10

Once we got back inside the apartment I immediately went to my room without speaking to, or even looking at, Edward.

I sat down on my bed and started to think about the implications of his confession. He claimed to love me, but did I love him back? Rather, could I love him back in the same way I once had. I knew that I had never completely stopped loving him, that I had never completely moved on, but now I was left to contemplate whether or not I could forgive him.

A knock on the door temporarily silenced my thoughts.

"Bella, can I come in?" It was Alice.

"It's your house." I answered. She came into the room with a guilty look on her face.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"Well Alice, that depends, is _he_ around?"

She shook her head, "I told him that I wanted to talk to you, and that it would be in his best interest to make himself scarce."

I nodded slowly, but remained silent. Alice came and sat on the bed next to me, but didn't say anything, waiting for me to start talking.

I sighed, knowing that I had limited time to talk to her before Edward returned.

"I don't know what to say Alice. Hell, I don't even know what I feel. I mean, I know _what_ I feel, but I'm feeling too much, and I don't know what to do about it, or even which emotion is the most important to me right now."

Alice didn't respond right away, instead she trailed her fingers long the bedspread. Just when I was about to burst from impatience she spoke. "Bella, I don't know what I can say to make this better for you. I know that my brother is an ass, I know that I never should have let him leave, I know that every single emotion you're feeling right now is completely justified, and if you wanted to walk out of here right now and never comeback, I wouldn't blame you one bit."

I had been staring at the wall while Alice was talking, but once she finished I looked over at her. She looked so distraught and lost that I had to throw my arms around her.

"I'm not going anywhere Alice, I just need to figure out what I want to do. Did you know that until today I was never once angry with him for leaving me? Not even a little bit. I always thought that if he didn't want to be with me, that if he wasn't in love with me that is was more than fair. I mean, who am I to tell someone how to feel. So I wasn't happy, hell, I was miserable, but I didn't think there was anything I could do about it, so I just did my best to deal.

"The worst of it is knowing how much I love him and that there isn't anything I can do about it. I mean I always loved him, I could get frustrated with him, annoyed with him, or sad about him, but until today I was never angry with him at all. Not even a little bit, but now I'm pissed at him, and I just want to hit something."

Alice looked at me for a moment then reached behind me and grabbed a pillow and held it up for me.

"Go for it," she said simply.

I looked at her as if she was insane.

"I mean it," she insisted, "Hell, I want to hit _him_, and I would if I thought it would do you any good, but I know you and you'll just feel guilty about it later. You'll somehow convince yourself that you're responsible for it. But Bella, sometimes you just need a physical release, so hit the goddamn pillow, and see if it makes you feel any better."

I stared at the pillow. It was a nice pillow, a lovely shade of blue with embroidery on it. I seemed to remember that this particular pillow was especially comfortable.

I beat the crap out of it.

I poured all my anger at Edward for leaving me into every punch.

It felt amazing.

I don't know how long I actually took my aggression out on the unsuspecting comfort object, but by the time I was done I felt better and the stuffing had been changed into a lumpy mass that barely resembled what it had previously looked like.

"Feel better?" Alice asked.

I nodded.

"Good. Do you want to talk to him yet? Or do you just want to be left alone?"

"I think I need some more time to set my thoughts in order before I talk to him, but do you think you and Jazz could make yourselves scarce in a couple of hours? I don't think either of us wants an audience."

"Of course Bella, but of you need me you call me ok?"

I nodded silently, and Alice kissed my cheek and left the room.

Try as I might to hash out the consequences associated with getting involved with Edward again, I fell asleep five minutes later.

* * *

When I woke up again I realized I had grossly surpassed the two hour time I had told Alice earlier. I was debating on whether or not I had time to go out and talk to Edward before they came back when my phone buzzed.

_**Don't worry, Jazz and I won't be back until morning. We're going to rescue some more tourists 3 Alice**_

For once I was grateful for her psychic tendencies.

I took a moment to steel myself and went out into the living room.

Edward was once again sitting on a couch reading a book, again the title was in a language I was not familiar with. He didn't look up as I entered, but I knew that it was because he was giving me the opportunity to pass him by if I wanted rather than a disinterest in my presence.

I briefly considered making a mad dash for the kitchen, pretending I was in search of a snack instead of answers, but I knew that this discussion would only get worse if I left it for later.

I walked over to the couch he was sitting on and sat down on the end opposite from him, curling up into a comfortable ball. He put his book down and looked to me once I got settled.

"We need to talk," I said simply.

"I think that might be a bit of an understatement Bella." His voice did not have its normal melodious quality. It was still a thousand times better than any other sound in the world, but it sounded as though he had been gargling sand for an hour or two.

"I guess I'll start this time," I said not entirely sure of what I was going to say. "I already told you that when you left you broke me, and I really don't see the point in rehashing that experience for you again. It'll only make you miserable, and put me in a bad place, so we're going to skip over that for now. I know you want a response from me about our future together, if there's even going to be a future together, but I can't give you that until I have some answers of my own."

His eyes bore into mine, "Ask me anything."

I leafed through the questions I wanted to ask in my mind, unsure of where to begin, I decided to start with a simple one, "What did you do after you left me? And please spare me your ideas about my sensitivities and don't leave things out."

He looked away from me embarrassed. "My time away from you is not something I like to dwell on. You already know that I separated myself from my family. I did that immediately after leaving you, it's one of the reasons I made them leave first. Of course Alice knew what I was going to do and tried to talk me out of it, but I was resolute. After that I went looking for Victoria. I took me a year and a half, but I finally managed to track her down, and … I took care of the situation. Once I found her I pretty much curled up in a sewer and just lived with the misery of being alone. I checked in with my family every so often, which is what I was doing when I came back this time."

I nodded once he finished, I wasn't happy that he'd gone after a homicidal vampire, but I made the decision to let that go until a later conversation.

"Why did you lie to me?"

He focused his eyes back on my face and I could not look away, "You weren't going to let me go. I had Alice check to see if you would have put up a fight if I explained to you why I was going, and you would have raised hell over it. I also considered just leaving in the night, but I couldn't do that to you, and I was selfish. I needed to say goodbye. It almost killed me to do it Bella."

"So you knew I was going to fight you on it and you still left? Why because it was what you thought was best for me?"

"Yes."

The anger I had been burying beneath layers if hurt bubbled up to the surface.

"Right Edward, because clearly you always know what's best for me. I mean, you are the amazing Edward Cullen, all of us plebeians must bow before your awesome power! Except, wait a minute, I'm the exception to that awesome power, aren't I? You don't know a damn thing about how I think do you?"

Edward looked desperate, "I know what things you don't Bella. You don't seem to realize how much danger I was putting you in! Aside from physical danger, you wanted me to change you and I refused to put your soul at risk like that."

I snorted, "Yes Edward, I had no idea about what kind of physical danger I was in. I mean, I was thrown around a ballet studio like a rag doll by a vampire, I've seen you bend a truck with your bare hands, but of course I was completely ignorant! And that business about my soul, you know I think it's bullshit. Everyone else in your family seems to have different opinions on the subject, but of course I shouldn't have to make up my own mind about it! That might be too taxing on my inferior human brain."

I was yelling by the end of my rant, and I got up to go into the bedroom, but as soon as my back was turned he grabbed my arm and spun me back around until I was sitting on the couch and he was kneeling in front of me.

I glared at him, trying to infuse every angry thought and feeling I had into a single look.

He crushed me to his chest.

I lost it.

It was too much. Seventeen year-old Bella had never wanted Edward to see her as anything less than her best self. Twenty-two year old Bella wanted Edward to see her in the best light, but frankly she didn't care anymore. I started crying into his chest and he rubbed soothing circles into my back, murmuring quiet calming phrases in my ear.

When I was done I lifted my eyes back up to look at him, waiting for him to speak.

"You're right, you're one hundred percent right Bella. I don't know how your mind works, I didn't consider the fact that you should have been given as much consideration as any member of my family, and I thought more of how I could best protect you than of what you actually needed. I cannot undo the past as much as I may want to. All I can do now is ask you for your forgiveness and wait and hope that one day you'll find me worthy of it again."

I sighed, my anger had faded into oblivion and I was thoroughly spent after yelling at him. "Edward, I want to forgive you, I want to be with you, I want to let myself love you completely again, but I just cannot fully commit to that right now, and I don't want to give you only a piece of me, because I don't want to be the same girl I was at seventeen. You left and I changed, whether that was for the better or not remains to be seen, but if I let you back into my life before I'm fully ready to, I'm going to wind up back at square one, and if you leave again I won't survive it."

He gripped my shoulders and looked into my eyes, "I will _never_ leave you again Isabella, no matter what you may think I would never lie to you about that."

I looked at my lap, "Look Edward, I'm exhausted right now. I don't want to make any big decisions tonight that I may have to change in the morning. I'm going to go to bed and sleep on this. I'm not going to promise to give you an answer in the morning because I might not be able to, but I will promise to let you know soon, because I can't keep myself in this emotional state forever."

With that I stood up from the couch, walked slowly back to my room and fell quickly into a dreamless sleep.

**A/N: Please don't shoot! I'm extremely sorry for not updating, but just think of it this way. In 3 weeks I'll be out of school with a full month before any form of employment is on the horizon. Think of all I could do with that time. As always shoot me a review of you have any questions or comments, they really make my day!**


	11. Chapter 11

The next morning Alice came into my room, gently knocked on my door and informed me we were heading out in an hour.

As exhausted as I was, I was grateful we weren't going to go to breakfast and do some last minute museum touring before driving back. I needed to be in my own room, surrounded by my things so that I could sit down and think without Edward twenty feet away. I wanted to be somewhat logical about this and I knew I my judgment suffered depending on my proximity to Edward.

We left the room, Jasper took my bag this time, and waited in silence for the valet to bring the car around. I moved for the back seat behind the driver and Alice got in next to me. The car was quiet, the only noise coming from the classical music playing from the stereo. It was calming and I soon found myself falling asleep.

I was awakened what felt like a few minutes later by Alice gently shaking my shoulder.

"Bella, we're at your house now," I looked around slightly disoriented, "Come on, I'll help you with your bags."

Alice helped my carry the ten or so shopping bags into the front room of the house.

"We didn't want to take you straight to the house like were originally planning on doing. We didn't know how you'd feel about coming over, but if you want to we can go over there now." She looked so hopeful, and I hated to disappoint her, but I needed some time to myself.

"Thanks Alice, but I need to clear my head, and I can't do that at your house right now."

Alice smiled sadly, but nodded like she understood. "I get it Bella, but if you want to come over later you know where we'll be."

She gave me a hug goodbye and left me alone with my thoughts.

Of course the second she left my house began to feel too small. The furniture that I'd thought would be comforting seemed to take up too much space. When I went to make a cup of tea in the kitchen the steam that came from the kettle seemed to take over the room, and when I finally decided to just try and get some sleep the walls of my bedroom threatened to close in on me.

With a grunt of frustration I got up from my bed and went outside to my car. Once I got in I headed off onto the nearest highway and just drove.

I didn't pay any attention to where I was going, I just hit the gas and made turns where I felt like it. Eventually I realized that I'd only had a quarter tank of gas when I took off, and I was very close to running on fumes. I pulled over into the first gas station I saw.

The station was old fashioned and reminded me of the one in Forks. There was one other car filling up, an SUV, with a teenage boy standing next to it filling the tank. As I pumped gas into my own car, a girl about the same age as the boy came out of the small convenience store. She snuck up behind the boy and wrapped her arms around him from behind, standing on her tip toes to kiss his neck once lightly.

I was shocked to see it was a pose I recognized from my own past, specifically the summer between junior and senior year. During that time Edward had insisted on taking me on day trips he thought I would enjoy. He was frustrated by my determination to work for the Newton's and he thought that he could change my mind at first by showing me all the things we could be doing if the store wasn't eating up so much of my time.

On one specific occasion I was invited on a "Cullen family weekend" which really turned out to be an Edward and Bella trip to Victoria, British Columbia. Edward and I spent a long weekend in Canada, and at one point he'd had to stop for gas, and I was in desperate need of some junk food, so I'd headed into the store. Upon coming out I did just what that teenager had just done. Of course, it was far more likely that her boyfriend was surprised by her than the idea that Edward had been surprised by me, but he'd acted the part very well at the time.

The young couple was a reminder of the past, of how young I'd been then, even though it was only a few years ago now. I continued to fill the tank up, and the boy and girl drove off.

When I went inside to pay it occurred to me that perhaps I should ask the attendant just where I was.

"Excuse me," I said stepping up to the register, "I don't mean to sound like a crazy person, but where am I?"

The old man working the register laughed, "Well young lady, truth be told, you're in the middle of nowhere, but the town's name is Rosendale."

The name didn't sound familiar and that made me a bit more worried than I'd been before. "I don't suppose you have a map around here do you?"

The old man laughed again, "Well, as a matter of fact I do, but if you don't mind me asking, how is it you don't know where you are?"

I sighed internally, "Well to be perfectly honest, I was feeling a little suffocated in my house and I just got in my car and drove and I ended up here. It wasn't the most well thought out plan."

The old man nodded, "Yeah, I know the feeling, sometimes you just gotta get out of the house. Of course for me, that's usually when I feel a real need to think without the old lady sitting behind me nagging me about fixing a pipe or something."

"Yeah, I got some… interesting news this weekend, and I'm just trying to figure out what to do with it."

"Nothing too awful I hope, you seem like a good kid."

I laughed at that. A minute ago I was thinking about the "kids" in the parking lot. "That's the trouble really, I'm not too sure about whether it's good or bad."

The man nodded sagely, "Must be love troubles then."

I was a bit surprised. "How'd you figure that out?"

He chuckled, "Honey I knew the instant you came in, just felt rude grilling you about your love life before seeing what you actually needed. Can I give you some advice, as a man who's been mostly happily married for forty-two years?"

The idea of a stranger who knew nothing about be giving me love advice was both odd, and strangely intriguing. "Go for it, I doubt you can put me in a worse place than I am now."

The man opened his mouth to speak and I waited while he seemed to gather his thoughts. Finally he spoke, "I've learned a few things in the time that Ginger and I have been married. One is that the lady is always right, even when she's wrong. So you have the upper footing there I guess. Another thing is that sometimes, men do stupid things because they're in love. I remember one time I refused to take Ginger to this dance because I knew that the girls at school were going to make fun of her old dress and I just wanted to protect her. She didn't talk to me for a week after that until I showed up at her house with candy, flowers and an apology. But maybe the most important thing I've learned is that although getting out and thinking is all well and good, at the end of the day you've got to go home and talk to each other, or you'll both be miserable."

I nodded after he spoke, "Thanks, believe it or not that helps. But right now, I'm still on the getting out to think part of things. How much do I owe you for the map?"

"Nothing, honey, consider it a gift from one thinker to another."

I smiled and thanked him, then asked him if he could recommend any place good for lunch. He sent me to a little café about 20 yards down the street where I sat and ate a sandwich and some soup and had myself a think.

I considered what the man had said about both people being miserable. As it was right now that was the exact scenario Edward and I were locked in. We were both utterly unhappy, and right now I was the cause of it, and that killed me.

I was unwilling to tell Edward I would be with him because I refused to leave myself open to the type of hurt I knew only he could bring me. I would not survive if he left me again. But at the same time I wasn't telling him to move on with his life because the idea of him with anyone but me made it hard for me to breathe. And aside from that, I knew that I would never love anyone as completely as I loved Edward, and I refused to allow another person to attempt to make a life with me when I could not give them all of myself.

My life was becoming a supernatural soap opera, and I was the fussy lead actress who everyone loved to hate because she refused to make a decision and let everyone relax.

I thought about my life before Edward came back into it. I wasn't living I was existing, and I knew that if I turned him away I could continue to exist, I could continue to go about my daily life. Perhaps it would be with a renewed ache in my chest, but I could manage it for a time until the ache faded to the background. If I continued on the path I was on I would eventually buy the house I was renting, and probably continue to work my two jobs until the day I died, alone.

On the other hand if I went with Edward and he left again, I would die, plain and simple, and I'd still be alone.

Of course behind door number three was the idea that I could be with Edward. Of course, I imagined he was still highly against changing me for fear of my soul, and eventually I would have to walk away. I knew myself well and I wouldn't be able to stand the attention our relationship would get. I'd always felt inferior to him, but I wouldn't allow him to touch me or be near me at all once I started to look like his mother. I refused to turn myself into a cougar, at least in the physical sense. Then of course I would end up dying alone too.

Once I realized how pathetic my life was going to be regardless of my decision I decided I deserved a moment to dream, I dreamt of a fourth option, where I went back to Edward, and he changed me, and I spent the rest of eternity in his arms.

I wanted this fantasy, and I wanted it bad, but the word fantasy implies a dream that will never come true.

I looked out at the sky which was beginning to darken, signaling the approaching night and decided I should head back home.

I drove back just as absently as I'd driven away, paying very little mind to where I was going, looking down somewhat infrequently to make sure I wasn't headed into the Hudson. I was turning into the Cullen's driveway before I even realized where I was.

I briefly considered turning around and heading to my house, but I knew they'd seen me and heard me with their freaky vampire senses and I decided it was best to just bite the bullet.

"Well here goes nothing."

**A/N: I want to apologize for what I believe is the longest gap this story has ever had between chapters, but I had an unexpected death in my family, so I really didn't feel like writing for a while. Aside from that as those of you who go to college know, and those of you who end up in college will find out you spend the entire year complaining about the ridiculously small size of your dorm room only to come home and be amazed by how much stuff you managed to fit in there in the first place, which you now have to make room for at home. As always, reviews are appreciated.**


	12. Chapter 12

As I walked up the front steps I noticed that the door was already open, which I took as an invitation to go on in. When I got inside I wasn't immediately greeted by Alice, which was weird in and of itself, but the house was also completely quiet, which was twice as bizarre. Normally whenever I came in someone had music playing, or the boys were playing video games, or Esme was making me dinner or something.

On a small table in the entryway was an envelope with my name on it. The note inside was in Alice's handwriting and it instructed me that they were in the back yard and I should come on out. I shook my head at the silliness of the note, but made my way through the house towards the back of the house where I expected to see seven vampires waiting for me.

However I was wrong. There was only one outside, and I couldn't decide if he was the one I most wanted to see, or the one I was dreading talking to the most. Either way it looked like I was going to be having this conversation in the next few minutes whether I wanted it or not.

"Hey," I said, inadequately.

"Hello," he answered quietly.

We stopped and stared at each other for a moment, neither of us wanting to start this conversation, neither of us really knowing how to.

"So," Edward began nervously, "I want to apologize for this, I didn't know they were planning it, or I wouldn't have allowed it to happen. Alice saw that you were going to come over, and Esme wanted me to pick some things up at the store to make you dinner. When I got back they'd all disappeared and I didn't want to leave you with an empty house, especially after Alice told you we'd be around."

I laughed without humor, "Well, I can't say I'm surprised, this entire thing absolutely stinks of Alice. She has a tendency to lean towards the dramatic."

"Yes she does."

We returned to silence and staring at each other until I couldn't take it anymore.

"What did you guys do after you got back?" I was going to push this talk as far back as I could.

"I went hunting, and Alice started to reorganize her closet, which I suspect she got Jasper's help with. Then we all just sat around the house doing nothing."

I laughed, "I thought only humans sat around the house being bored."

He gave me his crooked smile, "Are you joking? We have unlimited time and no ability to sleep, sometimes we sit around bored for weeks."

We were both laughing at that.

"Why don't we go inside? You've got to be hungry, and we can talk while you eat."

I nodded my consent and he led me into the kitchen. I sat at the island, "So master chef, what will I be dining on this evening?"

He opened the fridge and pulled out a white container, "Well, it looks like Esme already made you some kind of chicken dish and left me very specific instructions as to how to heat it up."

I waited as Edward made my dinner, and when he presented it to me with a flourish I found myself cracking up all over again.

"So," Edward said as I cut into my meal, "The only reason I can think that Alice decided we needed to be left alone is that you've made some sort of big decision regarding me."

I nodded but said nothing.

"You don't have to be afraid to tell me, whatever it is you've decided. I promise no matter what, I'll never do anything to hurt you again, even if that means I have to take myself away from you forever."

He moved to stand next to me and he turned my chair around so that I was looking into his eyes.

"Just… just tell me what you want and I will do whatever it takes to make it happen."

I took a deep breath and looked away from him.

"Do you know that for the last few years, I've been seeing you everywhere? Whenever I go to the mall, or the movies, or even just when I'm walking around the street I'll see something and I think it's you coming back to me. It never was obviously, it was just wishful thinking, but every time I realized that I would have to go home and cry myself to sleep. Because it wasn't you, and I wasn't going to be happy, and that hurt so much.

"Earlier today, I took a drive and I thought about it, and I realized that I'm a miserable person. And that I'm making people around me miserable. I've hurt my father and my mother by refusing to be around them. I don't have any real friends because I'm afraid to let people get too close to me in case they abandon me. "

At this point I turned to look back at Edward, who had sat down on the other stool and was holding his head in his hands looking anguished.

"To be perfectly honest Edward, you screwed up, and in the process you screwed me up too."

He turned to look at me, "Bella, I –

"No," I stopped him, "Don't say anything, I'm not done yet. You really broke me Edward, and I've got to tell you, you're going to have a hell of a job putting me back together again."

His eyes snapped up to meet mine, "Bella, are you telling me that you're willing to give me a second chance?"

"Yes."

"May I ask why?"

I sighed, "Because I thought about it and I realized that I'm unhappy, and the only time I've ever been truly happy is when I've been with you. And I don't want to be unhappy anymore Edward."

I looked down at the dinner which had now been forgotten, but I wasn't looking down for long. Edward pulled me off the stool and crushed me to his chest.

"Thank you," I heard him whisper. Then he pulled away from me and brought my face up to look at him, bringing his mouth down on mine, in a passionate kiss that proved I had a very poor memory, because my mind had not done his touch justice.

Once he realized I needed to breathe he stopped and pulled me back against his chest before he picked me up and carried me to his room.

He carried me over to his bed and lay down next to me pulling me onto his chest.

I knew I should protest, that I should tell him I had to go home because I had to work tomorrow, but I couldn't do it. There would be hell to pay in morning, but right now, I just wanted to sleep and I wanted Edward to hold me while I did it.

I awoke the next morning to the distinct feeling that someone was watching me. I rolled over fully expecting to see Edward's amber gaze on my face, but I was surprised to see a different set of honey eyes staring at me.

"Argh!" I yelped as I took in Alice's face, which was far too close to mine. She started to laugh uncontrollably, "Alice! What the hell?"

"I'm sorry Bella," I could barely understand her through her giggles, "I promised Edward I wouldn't _do_ anything to wake you up, but he's down there making you breakfast in bed and I knew you'd want a chance to freshen up before he came back upstairs."

As aggravated as I was I couldn't fault her logic and I immediately got out of bed and headed for the bathroom. I brushed my teeth and hair and did my best to smooth out my wrinkled clothing, which was becoming increasingly uncomfortable.

After I decided I was as presentable as I was going to be I went back into the bedroom to find Edward waiting for me with a tray that had an assortment of breakfast foods on it. I just stared at him.

"What?" The look on his face was innocent, a little too innocent.

"Edward," I sighed, "I honestly can't remember the last time I actually ate breakfast, let alone a breakfast this huge. I usually just grab a cup of coffee and head out to work. Which reminds me, I have a later shift today, but I'm going to have to get going soon so I can go home and shower and change and stuff."

Edward looked down at the bed then looked back up at me seeming a little irritated. He placed the food down on a side table, laid down on the bed, and patted the place next to him.

I walked over to the bed and crawled over the massive piece of furniture to go and sit with him. He draped his arm around me and I snuggled into his side.

"You know Bella, you don't have to go anywhere, Alice has some things here for you, so you can feel free to take your time this morning."

I considered that for a moment, although my brain told me it would be wise to go home and give myself some Edward free time to get my thoughts in order, the rest of me said to screw that idea and take the extra Edward time whenever it was offered. I went with the second idea.

The morning seemed to fly by, I ate some of the breakfast Edward had made me while lounging in bed, and before I knew it I only had an hour to finish getting ready and get to the book store. Alice had picked out a sweater and jeans combo that I approved of, and I got showered and changed at record pace.

In my rush to leave the bathroom I, of course, tripped and fell, but I didn't meet the cold floor. Instead I met Edward's cold marble arms, which were far preferable.

"Thanks," I said looking up at him, "Why do you have a jacket on?"

"Because I'm driving you to work," he acted as though it were the most obvious answer in the world.

"Edward, I have my car here, and I have to work a shift at the restaurant later, which means I'll have to go home and change, which means I need to get myself places."

He smiled, almost indulgently, "Alice can drive your car to your house. I'll pick you up after work and bring you home to change, then I'll bring you to the restaurant and pick you up to bring you back here tonight." He said this as if it were already settled.

I took a deep breath and reminded myself that Edward was basing this idea off of 17 year old Bella, who drove a broken down truck and was somewhat lacking in the independence department. I was fully prepared to explain my new life to him and work out a compromise, but then he proved just how little he knew about my thoughts.

"I don't know why you wish to continue to work in any case. You know I am more than eager to take care of you."

That did him in.

For sure.

"Edward," I stared doing my best to keep my voice under control, "I'm going to let that slide because I realize that you haven't been around me for a while. After you left I needed something to keep me from going under and I turned to work, and I refuse to let people who I've made commitments to down. Furthermore, I am no longer dependent on others to take care of me, I've been taking care of myself for quite some time now."

"Well you haven't been doing a very good job of it," he said.

"Excuse me?" My anger meter was slowly rising into the red zone.

He sighed, "Look at yourself Bella! You've lost so much weight! And it's clear you haven't been sleeping as much as you need to – "

I cut him off, "ALICE!" She was in the room before I even finished saying her name, and I turned to face Edward. "Your sister is going to explain everything that is wrong with what you just said to you, and I'm going to go to work. Once you start thinking with your brain instead of whatever you're currently thinking with we can talk."

With that I walked out of the room, said goodbye to Carlisle and Esme, got into my car and drove to work.


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N: So I know I never put author's notes at the beginning of a chapter, but I just wanted to say thanks to everyone who reviewed the last chapter in favor of "I'm not taking this crap" Bella. I was concerned that I didn't work that in quite the way I wanted it to sound, and I re-wrote it four or five times before publishing it. So thanks!**

My shift at the book store seemed to go on forever, possibly because it was a slow day so I had plenty of time to stew over the way Edward was behaving. I bit Maggie's head off when she asked me a question about a woman looking for _A Tale of Two Cities_ and then had to spend the next two hours convincing her that she wasn't doing anything wrong.

Maggie wisely offered to cover for me so I could leave fifteen minutes early, but I think she just wanted to get me out of there as soon as possible.

When I got to my house to change I half expected to find Edward waiting for me, which would have been good for me because I was still pissed and needed to take out some aggression, but bad for him because I was still pissed and needed to take out some aggression.

I got changed into the all black outfit that was my uniform for the restaurant and drove over, purposely taking my time so I would miss the pre-serving meal. My time at my first job earlier had proved that I was rotten company in a social context. I walked in as the staff table was being cleared down and made my way to the back room to drop my coat and stand behind the bar. Lynn was clearly far more adept at reading moods and wisely chose to keep her mouth shut.

At around 8:30 we got a crowd of guys coming in for a bachelor party. They were fairly sober so it was clear we were one of their earlier stops.

"Hey Lady!" One of the guys called out to me, "My buddy Pat is getting married in the morning! A round of tequila for everybody!"

Okay, scratch that, they were mostly sober. There was always one guy who hadn't gotten out of the habit of pre-gaming and thought he was the life of the party.

"None for me I'm the DD."This came from a taller guy with dark brown hair a little way's down the bar, "I'll just have a diet coke please."

"Aww, come on man, you gotta do one!" Life of the Party seemed disappointed.

"No can do," dark hair replied, "Someone has to make sure none of you violates your marriage vows tonight."

"Fine," Life of the Party shrugged. He turned to me, "You're gonna have to do his shot for him."

I gave him a half smile and checked the clock. We had a rule that Lynn and I didn't allow patrons to buy us drinks until 9, but I really wasn't in the mood to deal with rules today.

"Sure," I said to Party guy. I prepared the shots and some chasers, before handing them out to the guys. As I tipped my head back to take mine I could have sworn I saw a flash of bronze in the corner, but I wrote it off.

After the first shot the rest of the men proceeded to buy a round of different concoctions which I continued to pour and throw back.

"What I want to know," dark hair said coming up to the bar in front of me, "Is how a tiny little thing like you is managing to hold her liquor better than most of these idiots."

I laughed, "Well, I'd tell you but I'd have to kill you, it's a trade secret."

"Hmm," he nodded his head as if thinking, "Well, what if I solicited your services for a few bartending lessons, then it technically you'd be telling someone else in the business."

I shook my head, "Sorry pal, but in order to learn that one you have to get your official bartenders card. And just a tip, never tell a girl you want to 'solicit her services'."

He laughed this time, "Fair enough. Let me buy you dinner to make it up to you?"

"I'm afraid not. I'm seeing someone."

"Well, you can't blame a guy for trying. I think these numbskulls have had more than enough, let's see if I can't get them back to the hotel so that there's at least some chance of them making it to the ceremony in the morning."

It took him roughly fifteen minutes, but he managed to get them all out. After the bachelor party left things started to quiet down, and Sue came over to tell me I could head out around 10:30.

As I walked to my car I noticed a very familiar vampire waiting for me.

"Hey," I said.

"Hey," he replied.

We stared at each other for a moment.

"I didn't know if you'd want to talk to me yet," Edward said, "I can run home if you don't want to see me right now."

I shook my head, "That depends. Did you and Alice have a nice chat?"

He looked down at the ground. "Not only did Alice and I have a nice chat, but Esme and I had nice chat, Rosalie and I had a nice chat, and Emmett and I had a chat that resulted in me needing to buy Esme a new coffee table."

"Well then I would be happy to have you come back to my house and we can talk." I moved to get into the driver's seat, but Edward stepped in front of me. "What are you doing?"

"Bella, I realize that this may seem like exactly the type of behavior you want me to stop, but you've had quite a bit to drink tonight, and even though you seem to be handling it remarkably well, I can't let you drive."

I couldn't help myself, I started to laugh. "Edward, have you ever seen Coyote Ugly?" He shook his head. "There's a part in the movie where people keep buying the main character shots, and in order to keep her boss happy she has to take them. The thing is, her friend shows her how to do it without taking a drink. I 'chase' the shots with an empty beer bottle, and I spit the tequila or whatever into that. The only thing I've had tonight is water."

"Oh," he said, "well, then you're all right to drive then."

He opened the door for me and walked around to the passenger side.

"And just so you know," I said as I stared the car, "That isn't quite the behavior I was referring to, you're allowed to try and keep me safe, I wouldn't expect anything less of you. What I object to is you trying to make my decisions for me."

"That's what Alice and Esme said. They said I needed to learn to respect your space because you've grown into a different person since I left and that you're fully capable of making your own decisions."

I nodded at him, "And what was your response to that?"

"I've learned that Alice is generally right where things concern you, and that it's generally best not to argue with her when it comes to matters like this."

"Good," I said, "Because they're absolutely right. As much as I know we both hate to think about this Edward, you need to realize that when you left me I acquired some independence, I had no choice in the matter. I know you only want what you think is best for me, but sometimes what you think is best for me and what I think is best for me are two different things, and you need to talk to me about these things instead of trying to control my decisions."

"I know Bella, believe me, after today, I understand your point more than you can possibly comprehend."

"Okay," I told him, "We're going to go back to my place and I'm going to change into comfy clothes, and we're going to figure some stuff out alright?"

He nodded, looking almost relieved. We pulled up to my house about five minutes later and I headed upstairs to change, where I had the living daylights scared out of me by Alice.

"Go easy on him," she said, "We've already taken care of reaming him out." I simply nodded and she leaped out the window. I changed and went downstairs to see Edward sitting patiently on my couch waiting for me. I sat down on the opposite end of the couch, curling up to face him, but maintaining some distance in case I lost my ability to think around him as usual.

"So the way I see it," I began, "we have some things to work out. I don't want you to continue to make all of my decisions, but I don't want to make my decisions without either, and I'm willing to compromise in some areas. So how about we take turns picking things that we think need to be changed or addressed and we can talk about them." Edward smirked but agreed. "Alright then, let's start with my health. I agree that it's not up to the standards it should be, but you don't have any idea how bad it was two years ago. I was much more underweight and I wasn't eating anything healthy at all. I've been getting better, but it's taking some time. The same can be said for my sleep schedule."

He nodded, "I'll admit that I may have overreacted about that. My family tells me that you've been doing much better since they've been around. It's just that I worry about you, and I hate to think this is my fault. Is there any way I can convince you to see a nutritionist in order to try and get you back to being healthy again?"

"Of course, I was planning on doing it soon anyway. I've been trying to take care of it myself, and for the most part I've done okay, but it's not a bad idea to check in with a professional." He seemed pleased with that answer, "Okay, it's your turn to pick something."

"Living arrangements," he said without hesitation, "I want you to come live with me and the rest of the family."

I started to shake my head before he was even finished with his sentence, "Can't do it. For one reason I'd renege on my lease here, but more importantly as much as I love your family, I'm not ready to live with them 24/7. There's just something bizarre about trying to sleep in a house where everybody is up all night. However, I'm willing to compromise on this point."

Edward did not look pleased with this response, but he seemed to accept it, "Fine, will you consider spending the weekends with me and staying at the house anytime I need to go hunting or anytime the rest of the family goes hunting without me. And I'd like to stay here with you during the week."

"That's fine, assuming your hunting trips aren't any more than two days and the rest of your family agrees to this idea." He nodded his assent, "Alright, so I'm going to throw my employment out, because I'd prefer to talk about this while I'm still lucid. I was considering leaving my job at the restaurant after your family moved back into town and I'm willing to keep that idea in mind, but I want to hear your thoughts."

"You know that I would be perfectly happy if you didn't work at all and would let me take care of you, but I know that isn't going to happen, so I need to ask, why were you considering quitting at the restaurant?"

I shrugged, "The only reason I worked two jobs was to take up time, and once you guys moved here I had plenty of other things to do, so there was no reason for me to continue to work there. And you're right, I'm not going to just sit back and let you support me."

Edward considered this for a moment, "Alright, I'm good with you continuing to work at the bookstore, at least for now. What's your schedule like there, and how much flexibility do you have?"

I explained that I worked Monday through Thursday and that I had some flexibility, but not the type that allowed me to call in one morning and tell my boss I would be taking a month off.

Edward must have seen how exhausted I was getting because he said, "Alright, I'm bringing up one last thing and then it's off to bed with you. I'd like to discuss dates and gifts. I know that nothing material will ever be able to make up for what I did to you, but regardless of whether I'd left you or not, I'd want to spoil you. So I want to know where you're going to draw the line. Am I allowed to get you things or take you away for the weekend?"

I thought about this for a moment. I still hated gifts and attention, but I knew that Edward desperately wanted to get these things for me, and I knew that Alice and the rest of the Cullens wanted it too, "Okay, this is my absolute limit, you can take me out sometimes, within a forty mile radius, and you can get me if gifts, within reason, if there is an occasion which calls for one. This means Christmas or my Birthday, not National Talk Like a Pirate day, or gee, I saw this in a window and thought you'd like it, type of things. Weekend vacations are acceptable if they are infrequent and we keep to the East Coast, preferably within driving distance. I'm also going to refuse to stay in luxury suites every time we go somewhere, if your family already has house or apartment than that's fine, but we don't need to spend more than most people make in a month so I have somewhere pretty to sleep."

He considered my proposal for a moment or two, "So to clarify, I'm allowed to buy you things for your birthday and Christmas, but I can't get you something that you would define as over the top, I can take you on short vacations as long as we don't have to fly anywhere, and dates have to be within an hour from home?"

I nodded, "Pretty much."

"I agree, as long as we can renegotiate this later and you will allow me the occasional just because present, as well as accepting gifts from my family without too much of a fuss. I know you hate being taken care of or fussed over, but they love you too, and they want to show it."

I agreed on this point and then decided that it was time for the human to go to bed. Edward and I climbed the stairs to my room and I got under the covers while he lay on top of them, still managing to hold me in his arms.

It was bliss.


End file.
